Recently, I sent this email to my email list:
Note: This message is not for everyone. But if you decide it’s for you, read carefully…
Remember how we talked about the Great Weeding Out Project yesterday?
In case you thought I was kidding, I’m not. That’s why I’m sending this follow-up email, to warn the opportunists that this list really IS ONLY FOR Brilliant Writers and aspiring Brilliant Writers.
To said opportunists:
In the near future, if you don’t take yourself off the list, you will be inundated with a veritable flood of writing stories and resources that, unless you are a Brilliant Writer, will annoy you no end.
After all, we human beings are all created different, which means the stuff I produce is not for everyone.
So you should absolutely skedaddle off the email list if…
- You’re allergic to laughter and learning: I offer my budding Brilliant Writers a 100% organic, pest-icide-free brand of entertainducation in every dose of Brilliant Writer email. If learning useful writing tips while smiling, chuckling, or outright LOL-ing is not your cup of tea, then you’d better make like a deer and va-moose!
- You’re a bottom-feeder freebie-seeker: As a welcome present, every inductee into the Brilliant Writer circle receives a free copy of the Brilliant Article Checklist (plus other gifts that shall remain unnamed for now). And the rest of the year, I like to give out goodies without warning to Brilliant subbers, too.
But watch out: Our Merry Band does not welcome fluffy freeloaders (or bald ones, either). After all, you can get 90% of my stuff for free on the Brilliant Writer blog anyway, but the best 10% is reserved for the cream of the crop, true-blue Brilliant Writers on the list.
- You disdain the Bible and everything in it (not to mention books, in general): I read (and share from), on average, 120 books a year, and the Bible is the one book I’ve read and re-read off and on for most of my life. So if you hate hearing fascinating facts, interesting insights, and enlightening life lessons from thousand-year-old books, then don’t let the unsubscribe button hit you on the way out ~
- You want to read my Goodbye and Good Riddance! poem: Yes, I really wrote a poem to say “toodles!” to unsubscribers. Actually, if you REALLY want to read the poem, but you’re loathe to leave our loving writing ring, shoot me an email, and I’ll send it to you so we can snicker together.
- You don’t want to be a Brilliant Writer: I mean, well, duh.
Oh, what’s that? You’re NOT already on the Brilliant Writer list, but intrigued?
Well then, you may join us using this:
Just keep an eye out for the invisible three-headed hippo, prodigious protector of pro Brilliant Writers everywhere (He has an appetite for hippo-critical freebie-seekers).