I sat on the cold, tiled hospital bathroom floor, trying not to puke.
Moments earlier, I was helping a patient put on a sock, when a sudden wave of nausea sent me running to the nearest bathroom.
This wasn’t the first time, either.
- A week before, my supervisor and I were working with a heart patient when I suddenly became dizzy and had to leave the room.
- Another time, while treating a lady with edema, I felt so sick I nearly passed out.
I knew it wasn’t vasovagal syncope (when you faint at the sight of blood).
I’d dissected my share of pig hearts, dead cats, even a full-on human cadaver (in class, of course!), and blood and gore didn’t normally bother me much.
Besides, none of my patients had their guts hanging out or anything like that.
So why, when I was finally working with real patients in the hospital, was I having these bizarre spells?
I didn’t know it then, but these episodes were just the beginning.
Within six months, I would be almost completely incapacitated…and no one would know why.
Today I am much recovered, but I still can’t tell you exactly what happened to me.
I suspect, though, that part of the problem may have been me trying to live the wrong life.
I’ve always wanted to be free to write, be creative, make a living doing what I really loved to do…
But that’s not realistic, I thought. There’s no way I can live off writing or “creative stuff.” I’ll just have to keep soldiering on…
Until I “soldiered” myself off a cliff.
What about you?
What life are you “soldiering” through?
What thoughts are running through your head?
I don’t like my life, but this is the way things HAVE to be. Writing is just a hobby, there’s no way I can actually make it work, I’ll just keep putting it off until I feel more financially stable…the kids leave home…I retire…or die…
If your mental conversations sound something like this, I’m here to warn you to stop.
Stop torturing yourself.
You don’t have as much time as you think to make your dreams come true, and if you don’t risk a little you will never gain a lot.
Not to mention, if you keep neglecting your true calling to pursue things that are more “socially acceptable” or “have higher pay” (in your mind), you might find yourself in a situation like the one I described above.
Don’t do it.
It’s not worth it.
Take it from someone who’s been to the dark side and barely escaped alive.
Your biggest enemy in this thing is not your boss, or your needy family, or the government.
Your biggest enemy is yourself.
Only you can hold you back from what you want to do.
Now, not ALL desires are legitimate, you know that. But have you considered that maybe you’ve never stopped wanting to write because you’re supposed to write?
That maybe, just maybe, you were put on this earth for this purpose?
And if you keep trying to pursue other, “more worthy” tasks, you’re actually keeping yourself away from achieving your actual mission?
The truth is:
It is NOT wrong to want to be a writer…to have time freedom…to live UNchained to a boss or desk or cubicle.
It is NOT impossible to have purpose in your life…inspire others and touch hearts…get published…make money with your writing.
You CAN do this, but it’s not gonna be easy, and it’s gonna take work, and you’re gonna need to learn and practice a LOT, but it will be worth it.
Because if you’re already an adult and haven’t gotten rid of that “still, small” idea in your head, then maybe it’s time to listen to THAT voice instead of the voices trying to hold you back.
As you can tell, this is a topic that is close to my heart. I only hope you’ll also take this to heart:
If you want to write, don’t ask permission, don’t tell yourself you can’t do it, don’t procrastinate, just…WRITE.
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